Wednesday thoughts

Confused over this situation in whole. So many things have happened and I'm trying to sort my thoughts and feelings out. Sometimes we have to get lost to find each other and sometimes we find each other, only to get lost all over again.
It's hard to give second chances.. A chance to do it again knowing what you know now, what you’ve learned. A chance to do it completely different. A chance to right the wrongs, to correct the mistakes. A chance to try and start over from scratch. Can you do that???
A relationship with someone who is interested in you. I don’t mean someone who thinks you’re hot and beautiful.( of course that does matter...going both ways ) I mean someone who wants to know every insignificant detail about you. Someone who wants to read every word you write.(And I do write heaps don't I??) Someone who wants to find every scar upon your body and learn where each one came from.
Someone who wants to know your favorite wine and what you eat and don't, and which quotes resonates deep inside when you hear them. There is a difference between attraction and interest. Huge difference. It's also a difference between staying with someone because it's comfortable and actually staying because you can't see a life without that person.
Who is the love of your life??

You always have a choice.....

The human life is made up of choices. Yes or no, in or out, up or down. And then there are the choices that matter. To love or hate, to be a hero or to be a coward, to fight or to give in, to live or die, stay or move on, that’s the important choices and it’s not always in our hands.
I’ll say it again to make sure you hear me. The human life is made up of choices. 
Stay or move on, that’s an important choice and it’s not always in our hands. 
They say there’s one sure sign of a successful negotiation. It’s that when the parties leave the table, they feel like they have been screwed. The goal is a compromise, a situation where both you and your partner wins

The waiting can kill you. 
You make a decision and then the world has it’s turn. The consequences unfold out of your hands. There’s only one thing that seems clear in those quiet moments while you wait. 
You chose wrong.  
We just want to survive the storm. We pray “Please, just get me to the other side.” We never imagine what it will be like when we get there. What if when the storm passes nothings left? 
I always said I could handle anything. I was wrong. I have been wrong about heaps of things. But I was right about one thing. 
I was right about this......

From riches to rags....

Have you ever waited for something that bad, it seems to take forever?? That´s what we are doing at the moment. Waiting for Kevin´s Maltese passport to arrive. ( since both his parents are Maltese he could apply for a Maltese citizenship, and Malta is in the EU...Voila ) We applied for it in Melbourne months ago. And it´s a long process let me tell you. We had to locate Kevin´s estranged father and siblings to get information on dates and names. Then go to the Maltese consulate in Melbourne to get pictures and finger prints taken. Then from Melbourne it went to Malta to get sent back to Canberra ( Australia ) to get approved and then from Canberra get sent to Gothenburg. We spoke to Canberra last week and she said they have gotten it and also sent it to here. How long should it take to send a passport??? With our luck they have probably stuffed up the address so it´s gotten lost. It would not surprise me what-so-ever.

The reason we are so eager for the passport to arrive is that Kevin can then get his Swedish social security number which allows him to apply for work and study SFI ( Swedish For Immigrants )
And right now we are in a financial situation I haven´t been in for a long time. And it really stresses me out since my work chances has now gone down due to school holidays. Having to budget everything this much is something I haven't done in ages. Not even when I lived in Phuket. I was once someone that my friends would always look to for a positive thought and encouraging words. I always managed to see the good in every situation. I try my best to hold onto that, but it’s been slipping away quickly. Fear is constant. You’re always afraid of what’s next. I’m afraid of opening my bills.
The good thing is that we can´t buy cigarettes. So quit smoking has now become a reality. I guess that is on the positive side of things. I just feel bad that we can´t treat the boys to the stuff we want. Trips to zoos, museums, and other fun places with admission fees are extremely limited. Because I can’t snap my fingers and make things work perfectly depresses the fuck out of me.
I literally cannot wait for this passport to get here. Not that the passport itself will give Kevin a job but he can start to look for one. Who said moving countries would be easy......???
But honestly, it would be harder for me to move to Australia. Their system is one of the hardest in the world.
Just to apply for a partner visa is $7000 Australian. Good luck with that!
Not too sure on what the Australian government was thinking when they decided on that. I mean even if you have children or you are married it´s still a pain to get the correct visa.