Gimme time...

Recent events have made me look closer inside myself. And something's I don't like about myself but it's there for my own protection. I am working on it, but it's one of the hardest things to lose. 

So I thought I'd share this with you and hopefully it'll help others in my position. 

Betrayal is a breaking of trust and goodwill in a relationship that can take a long time to heal from and can leave us changed forever.  It has broken marriages, ended long term relationships.  It can happen suddenly and leave us feeling shocked, as in the case of an exposed affair. Whether it’s our good friend, partner, sibling or parent, many of us have experienced the specific wounding that is felt from betrayal. These experiences can leave us feeling a mixture of emotions –hurt, bruised, angry, resentful, depressed and anxious. Fear of trusting and letting yourself love again. Getting over hurt requires recovery time. It is unrealistic to expect yourself to get over feeling your grief and hurt quickly.  Recovery time means listening to your heart and allowing it to stay soft despite having been hurt, which is hard I've come to experience. Listening to your heart and allowing it to guide you helps us recover our trust in our inner knowing. When we are hurt we can’t make the pain go away or change what happened. Some of us are lucky to find love again. A love that strong enough to overcome the issues the past has given us. I'm very lucky. 

This is very true. A wise man sent this to me the other day. 💜 

Changes...

Lately time has gone by so fast. 

And so slow at the same time. How is that even possible??
I'm trying to organize my trip to Phuket and Australia. I have fun doing it. It's something I look forward to. I miss my friends in Phuket heaps but it's just a pit stop. Having something positive in my life has made me more open to change. Change isn't always a bad thing, is it?? 

I feel like I am on a journey to the unknown and it's exciting as well as scary. I am in a messy stage of my journey, holding on to the glimmers of joy that I feel throughout each day, dreaming and blogging and not getting enough sleep. I am grateful for the months of utter paralysis, as I knew I was somehow meant to stretch myself and challenge myself to get where I am today. To meet the people that I've met and that has become very important to me. 
I'm glad I snapped out of it, Well, I'm not saying I'm completely out of it but at least I am moving forward. 
Without action, my journey would be back at square one, huddled under the weight of my doubts and fears.
Without action, my soul and heart would still be asleep, unable to consider a different future. I am so happy I can envision another future now.  
Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen. I truly believe that.
Positive energy and thoughts and moving away from what's been hurting me. I’m stronger because of the hard times, wiser because of my mistakes, and happier because I have known sadness. A sadness I do not wish upon anyone...well except for one person. That person should of shared it with me, but it was apparent that person wasn't fussed.

I spoke to my sister today, my thai sister. Pii Naa. The best sister ever. I miss her and it's going to be a joyful re-union even though I saw her just a month ago. It's hard when you are use to seeing someone every day and it just stops. I envision her too in my life for as long as we live. She has invited me to go see her family and I really want to do that. That would mean a lot to me.
But first things first. Getting my bum to Oz. And Phuket. I really picked a country that's heaps far from here haven't I. Hence my pitstop in Phuket to stretch me legs and get some sangsom. I heard alcohol is quite expensive in Oz. It's funny how most of them are piss wrecks then. Hahahahahaha...
I don't know what to expect, going to a country with an open mind and hopefully it will work out. I already made that decision so Universe....help a girl out yeah.

Teenager..

Today is my oldest sons birthday. It's not just any birthday, he's turning teenager. 

Omg I just got really old. Like 150 years old. It seems like yesterday I was taking him to pre-school and reading books to him. Time goes by so fast. I have no idea how this happened. 

It was hard on me to not wake up and be able to get him breakfast in bed this year. The boys are at their dad's this weekend. 

Birthdays are special and it truly was a sad morning. 

Anyway, late morning we went to Gothenburg them park. Liseberg. What a place. So much fun. The weather was crappy at first but after lunch it got better. 

The boys' dad went with us and we had a good time. Luqas was happy and that made me happy. 

I went on the newest ride called "helix" and it wasn't at all what people made it out to be. A death ride. 

I thought it was fun don't get me wrong but not scary at all. But maybe that's just me. I chickened out on the atmosphere. Yes I did. I like the thrill and kick you get of being scared but I do have a limit. 

I'm not getting god knows how many meters up in the air to be dragged down in an insane speed. I'd like to keep my lunch thank you very much. 

Speaking of lunch, we had that at Hard Rock Cafe down town. Luqas loves HR so he choose to eat there. Don't mind if I do....

After the theme park we went back to mine and Luqas got his birthday present from me and Convict. I know he's been longing for that the entire day. He was really excited and he did not get disappointed when he saw what he got. A Samsung Galaxy 4 Tab. And a new iPhone cover. He was so pleased. 

I miss spending the whole day with the boys. Cake and all of that. But it's his dad's weekend so he decides what goes and not. 

Happy birthday Luqas. You are one of a kind and I am very very proud of you. Not many boys your age have such a big heart as you. You haven't given me any grey hairs yet. And I doubt you will ( your brother on the other hand I'm not as sure ) 

I love you and you make me smile.