Swedish Independence Day

The 6.th of June it's Sweden Independence Day (and oliver's birthday)

First year Ive been in Sweden for years on this occasion. It has unfortunately become somewhat of an issue in this country to celebrate this day. It's considered racist to wave my country's flag or wear anything remotely close to my flags colors. I reckon it's absolute bullshit. And if the immigrants are so god damn insecure or hateful towards my country they should leave. I'm proud to be Swedish and I want to be able to be just that without being labeled as racist. People don't seem to know what that word means sometimes. What a racist really is. Ignorance and finger pointing at its best. Fuck off!!! 

Look at the Aussies. Even if they're not in Australia they celebrate. I love it. And the Norwegians are the same. Proud people. Not to mention the Americans. Sweden should follow their lead. 

I celebrated by sorting my flat out. Or Joacim actually. He has been fantastic. We got so much done. I really appreciate it. It took hours and hours but damn it looks nice. Finally a flat. Not just a bed and boxes. Thank you Svante. You're awesome. 

Later in the evening my friend Viveca came and took me out to a local pub where we met up with other friends. 

Helen and her wife Vendela and a new girl I've never met. Unfortunately she is Finnish but I will try to not hold it agains her. She loves Thailand and we spoke about that heaps. I even taught her new words. We went back to the girls' place for some drinks and chat. I absolutely loved their place. Pretty. 

Vivi and I ended up staying until 4am. Then she took me home. 

Had a nice talk with my favorite Aussie. 

He's crazy as but hot damn he is amazing. 

Also spoke to Falida for a while. I'm looking at going to Phuket in August. I thought I'd be able to go earlier but work and money kinda fucked that up. 

It's nice to know they want me to come back tho. Asap. Warms my heart. 

For you it's all a blur....

Working today has been hard. It was hard to get outta bed. Tired after pretty much no sleep. It really doesn't matter if they all forgotten. 243. I remember. 

In a world full of darkness, we all need some kind of light. Whether it's a great flame that shows us how to survive what we've lost. Or a powerful beacon intended to scare away potential monsters. Or a few glowing bulbs that reveal to us the hidden truths of our past. We all need something to help us get through the night. Even if it's just the tiniest glimmer of hope. For an easier future without sadness.

Now I'm gonna take a hot bath and go to bed, pull the doona over my head and get this day over with. 

And hope I feel better tomorrow. 

.                                           I hope you feel it. Every single word!!

Letting it go...

After a face time call this morning with OZ I started to think about life and I that I have to start to process stuff thats's happened this past year and plan for my future. I was laying in bed pondering and analyzing to the best of my abilities. As I have issues understanding how certain things went south and my own part in it.   
We're constantly having to rethink what we thought was true and redefine it. It can be scary to find out you've been wrong about something but we can't be afraid to change our minds, to accept that things are different, that they'll never be the same, for better or for worse. We have to be willing to give up what we used to believe. The more we're willing to accept what is and not what we thought, we'll find ourselves exactly where we belong. 
I asked you what's the matter? You said, oh it's nothing at all. And you knew that I couldn't let it go.
You used to be this boy I loved. And I used to be this girl of your dreams. Who knew the course of this one drive injured us fatally. But then again, You lied. I guess about everything. To everyone. 

I hope I'm getting to where I belong soon. That things are falling into place. 

I'm feeling more positive now. Could have something to do with the move and I like it here. Its close to the woods its green outside and the sun is shining. If I want to clear my head or just have a breather I'll go for a walk in the woods. I know I will have to do that in a couple of days. I never will fully get over whats been lost. But walking and thinking makes me feel close. Maybe sit down on a rock and just listen to the wind. And most likely I will have the support from Oz if I get upset. 
As much as death takes from us, it also gives. It teaches us what is truly important, like giving back after a lifetime of taking, going after something we should have never let go of, or looking on to what made us who we are. This does not apply for everyone I'm sure. Some people just dont know right from wrong, truth from lying or just dont know how to be a nice human being. They are just scum and will always be scum until they learn to deal with the damage they have caused. But cowards will be cowards I guess. And I am right about that until proven wrong.

Faghag

It's Gothenburg pride festival week as well as Summerburst and Hammarkullen carnival. So the whole city is packed with colorful people. Fantastic. 

I met up with my good friend Jennie yesterday to catch up. Haven't seen her in ages. Even though we speak frequently on the phone it's always better to see each other for a catch up. 

Got invited to a party so after the catch up I dropped the boys off at my brothers. 

Went home and had a quick Skype to Australia while drinking a glas of wine. It's so much nicer to have company when getting ready. 

I really do not have good clothes for Sweden. Either it's winter clothes or Phuket clothes. I should go shopping. I'll do that next week. And shoes. I need new shoes. And a bigger hallway to go with my shoes. And new clothes ie jackets and such. 

I took the tram to Majorna where the girls were. Yup all girls. Homosexual girls. The lot of them. I was on the god forsaken tram for 30 min. Luckily I chatted to Oz and it made the ride so much faster. ( sorry to keep you up sweets. Timedifference sucks hey ) 

Once I got there I got a huge glas of wine. Huge. They seem to know me well already :) we painted our nails. Not all of us. Some refused to have it as it was too girly. We went into town later by tram again. Not too bad this time. 

Went to a gay bar. Gretas. I was the obvious faghag. That's ok tho. 

The turnout was insane. So crowded and dance floor was packed. Not good when you're wearing stilettos. But I danced anyways cuz the music was so good. And the girls were a blast. Had so much fun. Had tequila and I was fucked after that. I stumbled my way back home at 4 am. 

Slept until 11am. That felt great. Got woken up by Oz texting me. I need to learn to put my phone on silent. 

Got up and started cleaning up after yesterday's raid in the closet and boxes of makeup. How can one person make such a mess in that short of time? 

So today it's lazy Sunday. A movie and Thai food. And I have a feeling I will be skyping in a couple of hours. For a couple of hours. 

We have some funny wines in Sweden.