Oh well....

Has this ever happened to you?

Something happens, loss, or unexpected change. And when you need it most, your loved one —whom you considered true and dear—doesn’t stand by you.

You feel betrayed.

Painful, isn’t it?

Painful like the stabbing of 1,000 knives that each bears 100 tiny knives. (So, 100,000 knives in total) I should be used to it by now but it really doesn't get easier with each time, when you feel let down you can't help but feeling hurt. I have the ability to move on though, cuz just like Sia, I have a thick skin and an elastic heart. I might have thought that we were one. Wanted to fight this war without weapons. But it didn't go as I planned.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving a criminal of his crime. It has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim.

Back to reality

He's gone. Flew back to Perth this morning. Two weeks has gone by so fast. We didn't do all the things we said we'd do. We didn't say the things we said we'd say. Or maybe we said too much? Everybody has something to hide. We can’t just expose our secrets. That’s how we get hurt. We have to decide how much we let out and keep the truth to ourselves.
It’s scary to reveal everything about ourselves. Fear makes us hold ourselves back. Is that so wrong? Maybe, probably. But still, it helps to be causious, a little protective of yourself. It’s not safe to just blurt out all the secrets. 

We can’t just lay all the truth out there, expose ourselves. 
Cause once the truth’s out, we have to face it ourselves.
Feels weird to be sleeping alone. I'm not used to it. He used to go away all the time, but this time he's gone, and I know he's gone. 

I thought I'd get the boys back today to ease the loneliness and have someone to cuddle but I'm all by my lonesome. Makes my mind wander and that's when the doubts and questions come out.
I suppose a decision needs to be made shortly on how this situation will play itself out.

Why do we even try when the barriers are so high and the odds are so low? Why don’t we just call  it a day and go home? It’d be so, so much easier. It's cuz in the end, there is no glory in easy. 
No one remembers easy. They remember the blood and the bones and the long agonizing fight to the top. And that is how one become legendary. And I'd like a legendary relationship. New beginnings and all that. Eventhough we all have a past. Good or bad. It's my past and I wouldn't be me if I hadn't experianced it.
It's the past, and I don't have to defend it.