Come out n play

Tonight is going to be a good night. I can feel it. Been looking forward to this a very long time.
Not only do I get to have a great night out with good friends, I get to do what I like the most.
In Phuket we don't have clubs or venues like this so it's special tonight.

Saw this video the first time sometime early spring. I love it. This is how it's gonna be tonight. I'm inspired by some of her looks in this video. Let's see how creative I can be.

Going with me is my chicka loca. My partner in crime. My SW soulsister. Paradise....non other than my wild and crazy home girl Johanna. It is going to get crazy....we feed of each other's craziness.

 Tony. I can't go without him. That would feel so wrong. We started it together...and we need to finish it together. Full circle. Malin is getting her bum here too. She better.

And what's a good night without a bit of down under? And tattoos.

                                                        

                                             

                                           Tonight's gonna be a good good night..... Woohooooo!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mood improver

They say let he who is without sin cast the first stone. And to be without sin requires absolute forgiveness. But when your memories are freshly opened wounds, forgiveness is the most unnatural of human emotions.

Absolution is the most powerful form of forgiveness. A full pardon from suspicion and accountability. It’s the liberation of a stolen future. Absolution is a mercy that some people I know  will never know.

 

 The best among us will learn from the mistakes of the past, while the rest seem doomed to repeat them.

Let's hope you are one of the best. I wish you are......

 

After a quite heavy conversation I decided to lighten my mood up with some video clips.

Made me laugh and remember the fun and good times. Cuz there has been a lot of good times.

And I have great faith that there still will be.......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What now....I just can't figure it out

Seems like my life has received a twist of fate once again.
I can not determine if it a good thing or a bad thing.
At the moment I don't feel too good about it as I needed it to happen.
At least that is what I have told myself for a while. I semi- understand the reason why it turned out as it did. My experience so far is that I have been too trusting and naïve. And that has been taken advantage of. I no longer feel that I have to be. Or going to be.
It's hard to accept that the people you love and trust with your life turned out to be the ones that fucked you over. And then you realize that the worst betrayals always come from the ones we trust the most. I gave away my trust to easily.
There are several different ways to tell if a person is lying. The liar will avoid direct eye contact. The liar will cover part of his face with his hand, especially the mouth. The liar will perspire. Unfortunately I spoke to him on the phone so none of this is useful.

In life we all make plans, but sometimes they don't turn out the way we expected. By trying to help out, we may damage a relationship. By attempting to reach out, we may push someone further away. By digging into the past, we may enrich our present. As I said...I'm not sure if these news I got today is good or bad. I guess that's up for discussion between the people involved.

When we see an opportunity in life, we have to take it. Whether it's the hope of winning back the love of our life, a shot at proving our worth, or the chance to show a child the right path, but sometimes when we answer the call we have no idea what opportunity awaits us. Some say that to believe in destiny is to dismiss the role of free will, that self-determination cannot prevail in the presence of fate… When the truth is, the only part of destiny we can control is the fate we choose for another.


Enough shared thoughts and rambling for one very confusing day. I hope it's clearer tomorrow or the next day or the day after that. Or there is a saying that goes.. To rid yourself of one addiction, just pick up another one.

I got rid of the ice and picked up hot baths. Comparable?? Nah...didn't think so.
But you got the sense of it, yeah.

Waiting for a Skype call. Time goes by so very slow when you're waiting. Especially when you know it's gonna be a nice one.

 

 

Ohhh....guess what I'm doing Saturday. Bring on the shoes, hot boys and great music.

 

Light at the end of the tunnel

Finally I have a livable apartment.
New wallpaper in the kitchen and bathroom painted. Things are falling into place.
It's been hard work and I feel a bit worn out but the payoff is sweet.
I'm getting to see someone soon that I should've seen a long time ago. Lord knows why it has taken all this time to realize our path. Neat little morality slogans like “do unto other,” and “two wrongs don’t make a right.” comes to mind. But two wrongs can never make a right……because two wrongs can never equal each other. I'm really pleased we both chose the right thing to do.
Within each of us is the capacity for both good and evil. All that remains now is an exact date. I'm excited. Some say loyalty inspires boundless hope. And while that may be, there is a catch. True loyalty takes years to build. And only seconds to destroy.

Yesterday at work I failed miserably but today I vindicated myself by kicking ass. I want to do more but the lack of space and equipment makes me unable to.

It's cold outside. This morning I had to remove frozen rain water from my window shield. Poor Naam Kaeng. At least she's got a pink fluffy steering wheel warmer now. Very fashionable if I say so myself. Hahahaha...

It's remarkable how many different things goes through your mind when working alone or laying in the bathtub. You have moments of clarity. Pure enlightenment. 

Some words are immortal. Long-buried or even burned, they’re destined to be reborn, like a phoenix from the ashes. And when they do, it can take your breath away.
They say the bigger your investment, the bigger your return. But you have to be willing to take a chance. You have to understand you might lose it all. But if you take that chance, if you invest wisely, the payoff might just surprise you.

I really like this song.
Hope you hear it...not just listen to it.

 

 

Who can I trust???

Trust is a difficult thing. Whether it’s finding the right people to trust or trusting the right people will do the wrong thing. But trusting your heart is the riskiest thing of all. In the end the only person we can truly trust……is ourself.
One thing you can count on, I never forget.
For the innocent, the past may hold a reward. But for the treacherous, it’s only a matter of time before the past delivers what they truly deserve.
The greatest weapon anyone can use against us is our own mind……by preying on the doubts and uncertainties that already lurk there. Are we true to ourselves, or do we live for the expectations of others? And if we are open and honest… …can we ever truly be loved?
Can we find the courage to release our deepest secrets? Or, in the end, are we all unknowable? Even to ourselves
We all have secrets we keep locked away from the rest of the world. Friendships we pretend, relationships we hide. But worst of all is the love we never let show. The most dangerous secrets a person can bury are those we keep from ourselves.

Some say that our lives are defined by the sum of our choices. But it isn’t really our choices that distinguish who we are. It’s our commitment to them.  For some, commitment is like faith… A chosen devotion to another person or an intangible ideal. But for me, commitment has a shadow side, a darker drive that constantly asks the question… How far am I willing to go?

Random rambling

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Can two people really be meant to be? M-F-E-O. Soul mates. It would be nice if it’s true, that we all have someone out there waiting for us, us waiting for them. I’m just not sure I believe it…. Maybe I do believe it... All this meant to be stuff... Why not believe it? Really? Who doesn't want more romance in their life? Maybe it’s just up to you to make it happen... to show up and be meant for each other. At least that way you will find out for sure if you’re meant to be or not. Like it or not, the moment has arrived. The only thing left for you to do is to show up.

In general, people can be categorized in one of two ways: Those who love surprises, and those who don’t. I don’t, I like to be in the know. I have to be in the know. If it's not a nice surprise of course.
Am I rambling? I think I’m rambling. Ok, so my point actually, and I do have one, has nothing to do with surprises. My point is this: whoever said “What you don’t know can’t hurt you”? Was a complete and total moron. Because for me, not knowing is one of the worst feelings in the world. .
Change… you don’t like it, you fear it. But you can’t stop it from coming.
You either adapt to change, or you get left behind. It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn’t, is lying. But here’s the truth: Sometimes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes, change is good. Sometimes, change is… everything.


Ok...I am going to take a nice hot bath and relax. I am working tomorrow. And I have a painter coming to paint my bathroom and put new wallpaper up in my kitchen. Early.

At least some things are moving forward.

Monday thoughts....

Love built on lies is an accident waiting to happen. For whereever passion and treachery meet, desillusion begins. Still we fight to hold our ground in the emptiness. Ignoring the fact that every relationship, even the ones we cherish, inevitably dies.

Penance is a sacrifice. A voluntary punishment to show remorse for a sin. The greater the sin the greater the self-inflicted suffering. For some the ultimate penance is death. But for others it's simply a means to an end. 

 

Halloween 2013

This year Halloween was quite different than previous years. The last 2 halloween's I've spent in Phuket. And before that I always threw a grand party at my house. However this year I just moved to my new flat and I was alone ( no husband or bf in the house ) so I was bummed out.

On the 31.st I went trick or treating with Anna and my boys. I did a half sugar skull. Unfortunately it rained that evening. For those of you that know me knows that Halloween is my favorite holiday.

On Friday I was completely bored out of my mind. Moving and unpacking for 3 days had left me empty of energy. Both body and mind. I needed to re bot.

So I invited my mate Sanna over. Did our make up and girl talked. We had a great time.
Ended up at glow. 

Sanna and I were the only ones dressed up. Swedish people are the most boring people in the world. Come on!!

Some of them got really provoked and I don't understand why. Nevertheless I had a blast. The Music was great and we danced all night.
 

 

 

Saturday I stayed in bed most of the day. Had a very interesting chat on FB too. Kinda ruined my day a bit. But I'll be damned if I'm gonna let someone walk all over me. Not happening.....

Had a dinner party to attend later that evening. So I just had to drag my bum outta bed into a hot hot bath ( love ) and put make up on. As soon as I started doing that I got in a better mood. I mean who doesn't get happy when dressing up as the chucky doll?? 

 

 

Dinner party was amazing. Met an old friend that I haven't seen in ages. We played when we were like 10. She was just as bubbly as I remembered her. And she thought I hadn't aged on bit. Hmmm.. I look like I'm 10??

We sang and jumped around ( the downstairs neighbor came and told us off ). Being the only sober person I drove one girl home. The others went to a karaoke bar.
I so wish I could've gone with them.
But I'm broke.
 

 

Instead I spent 3 hours chatting and trying to figure out FaceTime without wifi ( omg.. So difficult ) to Australia. A productive talk. And surprising.

3 days of Halloween. And I love it. 

Everything hasn't been honky dory this weekend tho.  

Whenever will I learn to let people go that only give me grief. 

I am getting there. As slow as it may seem.
But ones there it will be no looking back.

When on a mission of revenge one must maintain total control. Over risks, emotions and potential enemies. The single greatest threat to succes is losing control over your allies. 

In order to re-gain control we must sometimes waive it. By doing so we believe that we are protecting the ones we love. The ones we cannot live without. But the most dangerous truth of all is that control is merly an illusion.