Countdown...

Anna's birthday today. It's Been a very long day. I'm so tired. Laying in bed, processing this weeks events. Listening to music as always. Spotify...you da bomb!! Will try to sleep early as it's my cuties birthday tomorrow. So brain...stop thinking!!!! 

Am I alone with the thoughts that I have?I'm afraid that I'm scared of myself. 

Am I the only one to doubt who I am?Wish I was someone else.

Everytime I try to swim, it pulls me,
pulls me deeper down
Everytime I try to fly, it holds me,
holds me to the groud

It tells me I'm a freak, drains me,
the monster inside of me
Freak, Save me
The enemy is inside of me

Would be easier to fight someone else
than the war I fight within.
It's impossible to hide from yourself
Where do I begin?

Everytime I dare to dream it wakes me,
wakes me with a cry.
Everytime I dare to love, it hates me,
hates me 'til it dies

Screaming, laughing, the voice is inside my head.....
Freak, silent echo inside my head.

Love me, can you even love at all?
show me, show me what I ought to know.
Mirror, mirror mirror on the wall
tell me, tell me that I'm beautiful....

-Molly Sanden 

I seriously cannot wait....

War for territory

Today has been a rough day. I've had so many emotions running through me and thoughts of the past, good and bad, have occupied my head since I woke up this morning. I didn't think I would react the way I have. A war for territory in my head. Fuck selective memories. And fuck you brain and emotions!! Join forces..
All because of a stupid message. Not even sent to me but aimed at me.
At least have the guts to tell me not via my friend. Or forever hold your peace....No matter how aware you are of the damage you've caused. This weekend was particulary hard as Saturday marked 365 days.
No-one knows and remembered that but me...and maybe the other one. How can I ever forget....
I'm the one with the broken pieces. Lucky I'm turning it into a beautiful kinda pain. As I know I will always be alone in this. I now realize I've always been.
A liar will always be a liar.....
Gleefully dishonest, intentionally ambiguous, eternally bored, and unfathomably manipulative-pathological liars are the ultimate masters of deception. They always have excuses for their inexcusable behaviour and somehow it's nerver their fault. They cheat, manipulate and steal. But the still play the victim. Like they suffer the same as you do. Like they have to live with the pain they've caused. Nah...they don't care, cuz if they did they wouldn't pretend like it never happened. They lie...even when it's not necessary. They lie for sports, as proof that the recipient of their lie is inferior to them. A game..It wasn't a game to me.
Believing in someone else doesn't make a person weak. It makes them capable of compassion, love, kindness and trust. These are all emotions that the pathological liar is incapable of feeling. In their attemps to manufacture superiority, pathological liar only reveal the pitful nature of the emptiness that consumes their soul.....


 I love this song....if the shoe fits hey.