First bbq of the year?

Or actually first bbq in years. In Thailand i never got around to have a bbq. The closest i got was when i tried a whole smoked pig up at Daniel's dad. Yep you read correctly. I tasted pork. It was nice. 

Never had it again after that. Whole pig i mean. I will probably eat tenderloin today. Organic mind you....

We're going to a farm to get the meat. So it's organic and everything. 

Tonight it's also bling time. It's been wine o'clock for a while now so I really wanna get going. My mates are not as fast as I am. I haven't showered yet. They have. So I'm feeling a bit stressed. As I need to do my hair and make up. And drink wine. 

Had a quick catch-up at mine with Anna last night. Well needed as she was out of the loop with recent events. She was not surprized. She thought I was stupid by not going to London. 

That may be! It is what it is. Stupid or not. 

 Does the shoe fit??

Yes it does :) 

Update....

Tonights outfits.....

Love love love malin's shoes :) 

.... 

If you haven't sniffed a cheese doodle you've been missing out man. Golden ;) 

Really shit that you can't see the glitter and bling! Oh well... 

Wine o`clock

Today I feel empty. Empty and listless. I wouldn’t even use the word frustrated, because being frustrated implies feeling something. I wish I had the energy or the desire to care enough to be frustrated or even angry. Being angry would be more purposeful than feeling like I just don’t care anymore.

I do care. Then I think what good would it do me now? Seems like I am the only one that ever did care.

It’s easy to be happy when everything seems to be going your way, but I think that defining happiness that way reduces it to a by-product of luck, or an accident, which it is not. In fact, I might even argue that luck is a byproduct of happiness, if I was in a particularly feisty mood. Which I am not. Not today. Today I feel empty and actually lonely. Not even Housos makes me feel better. That´s bad....

I am blessed to have such good friends. I was on the phone to one of my dearest friends this arvo and he heard in my voice that I was in a bad place. So he drove all the way here to give me a hug and a cinnamonroll. We chatted for a bit and he was a great listener and he gave me some harsh truths. I appreciate that. I rather have it given to me cold and raw than sugar coated. Then I can choose how my reaction will be. 

That’s the key to happiness: choosing it. It’s not an easy choice all the time, and it very well may be the last thing you want to do sometimes. When grief strikes, or when you just can’t seem to catch a break, sometimes you just want to sulk and stay upset, perpetuate the sadness. It’s a natural response, but it isn’t a required behavior, it’s a choice.

I think I will just cry tonight, I feel I might need to. 
But come tomorrow I will be smiling and be sunshine again. Because I choose to.
New day new possibilities. :) 

Especially as I have discovered I can use youtube at work to listen to music. Not only radio. DbA and top 40 all day at work. That makes me happy. And wine. Music AND wine is perfect. 
Thank god it´s friday tomorrow. Make wine o´clock come fast. 

  

There's something going on....

Before leaving Phuket I had the difficult task of finding a flat.
I mean it goes without saying that I needed somewhere to stay.
The thing is I thought I was leaving Phuket to start a new happy life. To do all of what was planned.
I really had no choice but to leave Phuket. That choice had been taken away from me. But regardless of that I was excited and more important I trusted. That has turned out to be the singel biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. And it has cost me. More than I ever can afford. In all kind of ways.

Currently I am forced to buy a flat in desperation. When I arrived in Sweden I had by pure luck gotten a hold of a flat in a suburb to Gothenburg. It was the shadies lease ever. Super expensive and short term. I dugg a great big hole in my pocket with that one. That was not suppose to happen. I should've had help. That was the agreement. But I sorted myself out, with the emotional back-up from my fantastic friends. 

I cannot stretch how much that has meant to me. Love you all very much!!

Anyway, I had to move out as I said..short term lease. So I got another flat. Closer to the boys' dad and school. I was supposed to stay here as long as I needed. The guy that has the flat was getting married and moving into the wife's house. Works great for me. This flat is big enough to work for the plan that had been fucked up more than once. What is it with me and believing what's told to me?? I should really stop doing that. Believing people I mean. But Im not that person...even if I wanted to. I cant go through life thinking everyone is lying. I sure hope most people arent lying. KARMA and I hope it will invole a cactus and your bum. Just saying!!
 

Now it turns out that the marrige is not working out * after 3 months, whoop whoop* and the guy wants his flat back. Which leaves me pretty much getting bummed. From every possible angle. 

I can't tell you everthing that I've had to finance due to me leaving Phuket but it has drained my resources. 

Thanks to Mr. Newly wedd I have to find a flat to buy. Since it's hopeless to find a rental legally here. 

I am now..today actually..bidding on two flats. Very opposite each other. One needs renovating and the other on is nice. Smaller but nice. The price is now up with 200.000 sek on the asking price on both of them which is ridiculous. 

I am totally stressed out by this. My friend in Oz has offered to bail me out as he put it but I need to make this work by myself. Asked his advice on the flats tho. He said the smaller one cuz it's nicer and need no work on. And it has a gym. Get my flobby ass to work. 

To lighten my stress I sat and made a new video of  good times. I like walking down memory lane. And remember that I use to be happy and what still makes me smile. Goofy things makes me smile. So most pictures are goofy. And all of them mean something to me. memories of special events or people that have made an inpact on my life one way or the other.
Oh....yer... someone once told me that I never do anything without a purpose.... you reckon??
From me with heaps of love....

XX

Im back!!!!

Had a great weekend.

Just got home in time to Watch the Olympic hockey game.
Sweden VS Canada.
It's gonna be a nail biting game. Canada is real good. I Think Canada will win. :(

We kicked Finlands retarded ass. As I knew we would. BOOM!!!!!

I cannot Believe that the United States lost to them.

What a beautiful song!! Feel it in my whole body. Well done.....

This song is also truly beautiful. I get chills and my heart skipps a beat when I listen to it.

We all have that song you wish that special guy would say to you, feel about you. 

This is one of mine...

I am a romantic. I like it when guys act a certain way. I want to believe in the knight in shining armour.
The guy that is the love of your life. And hopefully you will be the love of HIS life too.
Let me tell you it sucks to wait for something that never will happen.
The sooner you realize that then sooner you can move forward.
I just got a great pair of sneakers :) ( not really....more likely 10 inch heels )