When you’re depressed, your perception about many things changes—so how does this affect your relationships?
I’m thinking about this today, because—drum roll please—I feel a little depressed. And so does a person that means a lot to me. And I feel helpless. That person wont listen to reason and logic.
Now I’m not feeling depressed as in the suicidal “I want to drive off the road” kind of way, but in the less dramatic but still deeply unpleasant “moderate” kind of way. I’ve had my share of crazy, and sure, I have my bad times. I have those times where I start crying while brushing my teeth. We’ve all experienced this to an extent. You go through a patch where staying in bed all day isn’t just the better option- it’s the only one. But as blue as things may look at that point, a lot of us are lucky enough to have the ability to say “I’m feeling depressed,” as opposed to “I have depression.” Also I am very frustrated after a conversation I had this afternoon. This post Might be inspired by it.....
For me, one of the most challenging aspects to feeling like this is that I don’t feel as connected as I normally do—with my friends, the world in general.
And this isn’t specific to me; this is what depression is, a lack of feeling. It affects a person’s mood, their thoughts, behaviors, and, on occasion, their
health.
When you’re depressed you can’t access feelings of self-love. And since the love you feel for others is a reflection of the love you feel for yourself, this is why you feel disconnected.
You have an intellectual understanding of the love you have for your partner but you can’t
feel it as much as you normally do.
A while ago during a time when I was depressed and unhappy, a friend told me, “I can see you’re still
feeling something—so you can’t be too depressed.”
And it’s true. The more depressed you are, the quieter your heart is. It’s like a continuum. Or you are a sociopath. Which I've blogged about in the past.
It’s not like you don’t have all the feelings in you; you just can’t feel them right now. Just in case you’re tempted to worry about not having feelings.
Love, jealousy, anger, sadness etc..
And this can be a problem in a relationship. One day you’re connected to yourself, and therefore your partner too, and the next day you don’t feel connected to anything.
When you’re depressed you misread situations; you perceive others as being critical of you.
But what you’re seeing is a reflection of what you’re thinking about yourself.
It’s
you that’s being critical of you. Not them being critical of you.
When you don’t understand what happens when you’re depressed and you listen to everything your depressed mind says, you can cause havoc in your relationship.
Sharing with a loved one and/or health professional that you’re feeling depressed can be hugely helpful, and something I highly recommend. Talk about what you're feeling and get a pair of fresh eyes to look at what's making you blue. Change the way you are thinking. Try harder.
When you have a conversation with a drunk person, you have a drunken conversation; it doesn’t make sense. (Even though I've heard some say 'it's when the truth comes out'. I disagree in a way.)
And so it is when you talk to a depressed person you have a depressed conversation. And likewise, it’s often not logical.
In fact, depression can be almost as challenging for a loved one as it is for the person who is depressed.
Rather than respond to all the bullshit your mind is telling you, it can be more useful to take a step back and just notice what you’re thinking
.
So how do you honor yourself when you’re depressed and give yourself the love and kindness you need without blowing up an otherwise loving relationship?
Don’t believe everything your mind says.
Your mind’s always telling you things that aren’t true, and this applies even more so when you’re depressed. The more you can differentiate between you and your mind, the easier this gets. See if you can step back and think, “Ah, look at what I’m thinking now.”
Know that your mind is very convincing. Maybe you should listen to what your partner or loved one is saying. It's said with your best interest at heart.
And even though you can’t feel it right now, you have all the calm and peaceful loving feelings inside of you.
