Even angels have their wicked schemes...

Spent early afternoon to mid afternoon in Bang Tao soaking sun. And I needed that so bad. The boys were playing in the pool and running around. 

I had time to meditate and I got really emotional. Been that way since then. 

I realized I don't practice what I preached about in my last post. Relationship 101.

And I need to. I value myself more than to not get what I want. 

I can't wait for my very good friend Jennie to get here. She is the best medicine for me right now. 

We can talk about everything without judge or getting judged. We have been through a lot together. 

I take her opinion and advice very seriously.

Right now my mind is all over the place 

I've had some interesting offers that I need to take into concideration. 

The boys and I watched old home video clips tonight. All good memories and the fun we use to have. 

It's gonna be weird when the boys leave. I'm going to have to stay in the house by myself. Not looking forward to that. 

Woke up the other night after having a really bad dream about a former stalker I had. ( Had a neighbor that stalked me for months. Lennart Eklund. Had the police over 3 times as I couldn't go out without him running out checking where I was going. He waited for me when I came home from work. He dropped stuff down my mail thingy and often stood outside my door ringing my doorbell )  It was so real it took me half an hour to calm down. Lucky for me the boys are sleeping in my bed so I cuddled up to Luqas. I don't know what I would've done if I was by myself. Lets hope I don't have anymore bad dreams. Or someone can come and stay over. I absolutely hate being by myself. 

Relationship lesson 101

Had a little chat the other day about relationships and what makes a good healthy one. So I thought id share some with you guys. And maybe you will evaluate your own.


If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.  If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

If you have children, he must accept and like them. Be nice to them and get involved.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Dont settle.
 
If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship--take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.

Like from the show Sex and the City, if he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested.

There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them...flee.

Actions speak louder than words.
When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the actions.

Never move into his mother's house.

Compatibility is very important.

 



I had a few laughs and some sad memories when we had this talk. Hopefully Ive learned my lesson and wont do the same mistakes again. 

Find someone that truly loves you for who you are and find a guy that shows you that he does. A guy that is proud to be with you and would do anything for you.

And of course you need to do the same. Then you will have a happy healthy relationship.

Oh...and last but certainly not least important :

HAVE GREAT SEX.  Spontaneous sex, fun sex. Whatever float your boat.!!






  


 

What to do!?

The weather is getting better now which is much appreciated. Makes my life a bit easier on days off. What it does not do is help me with the boys. 

Everyone knows I love my children more than anything. But god damn they are getting on my nerves now. I am with them 24/7 and now it's starting to take a toll. On them and on me. I feel like the shittiest mom atm. They have attracted a nasty habit of playing playstation and watching movies. I have always been very strict with that and it's damn hard when they are allowed to to certain stuff in Sweden ( without discussing changes with me either ) which is giving me such problems. Makes us argue and me feeling like shit. But I'm not gonna cave in. I'm standing by what they were brought up as. I'm just getting fucking fed up with it atm. 

Maybe someone should tell another someone that its better to read a book than play mindcraft god knows how many hours a day. And based on what the boys says its a damn lot. 

I have a lot of things going right now, a lot of important decisions to make and I could really use someone to lean on for a bit. Just for a bit. I need to catch my breath. 

I want to sleep on a sun bed. I'm so pail now it's not funny. Working indoors is shit. Might bring my bikini and tan some after work today. Try to relax and have some peace and quiet. 

Down the drain

It's been raining here for the past few days. Or more like close to a week. 

It really limits me to do things. The children becomes restless and they start to fight with each other. 

When I say rain I mean like standing in a shower. You get soaked within seconds. And it goes on for hours and hours.

It really bothers me now that my laptop got stolen. We have watched pretty much every movie on my external hard drive. And I don't have a DVD player. 

Do I get a new laptop here or wait until I go to Sweden? Do I get an iMac or a PC? This is the time when I need a man to ask for help. I'm absolutely useless when it comes to IT and such. 

I have been sleeping really crappy the last week. I'm feeling a bit run down. 

Time difference sucks. 

We were suppose to go to the temple today but rain stopped us. I feel like I need to go. I haven't been since I went to big Buddha with Rachel before she left. 

I enjoy going to temple. It's so serene and it helps me breathe. However weird that may sound. 

I'm currently waiting for my dear friend to come for a visit. I'm looking forward to that. One of my oldest friends that knows me well. And I know her. Not fake like people can be here. 

Today's worth thinking about;

Don’t settle for a relationship that won’t let you be yourself. And How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

            Sunset drinks and dinner! 

I Wish You Were Here...

A battlefield of love and fear,

And I Wish You Were Here...

I've got feelings for you,

From the first time I laid my eyes on you...