Keep going

I have come to realize that other people’s problems are not yours. If you have a strong sense of empathy and intuition, like I do, you probably feel obligated to help solve everyone else’s problems. However it's not on you to do so. If the person doesn't want to help himself  or worse doesn't see the issue, then move along cuz there is nothing you can do about it.  Keep going; everything happens for a reason. Even if you feel that life is merely one catastrophe after another, all of these difficulties only serve to test us and make us stronger. They enable us to handle future situations in a better way, and teach us valuable lessons about life. Without struggles, we would not experience growth as human beings. Pain is temporary. Any situation never lasts forever, whether that be a bad breakup, financial struggles or other issues. No matter what you might be going through, console yourself by remembering that you are the master of your emotions.
You can choose to see the silver lining in any situation, and transmute the pain into an opportunity for growth. Or just dwell in self pitty. Negative people often do that. And it's pathetic.
I am sunshine...never forget that! 
No amount of worry will change the situation. It will only leave room for more negative energy and more obstacles to enter your life. Keep a positive mindset and trust that the universe only sends you the experiences that you need to help you transform into the best version of yourself. 
We attract what we feel and what we are. Keep in mind that rainbows only show up after a rain, so you must weather the rain in order to recognize the lessons it holds.

Like the passport we are waiting for. 4 months down the line, it was here. For 8 days. They stuffed up my surname so they couldn't find me. Nevermind that my name and address was correct.
So now it has been returned to Canberra. 3 weeks ago. But has not yet reached the embassy. WHAT??!! Has Australia snail mail? It sure seems like it.
The thing is that we need this passport within 10 days or Kevin's visa runs out.
Guess who's sending email after email to the embassy?!

We have been trying to talk to Kevin's boys. For weeks now. But the mom still refuses. That lady has some serious issues. Her solution is to verbally abuse me. ME!
Apparently I look like a 50 year old hag. That manipulates and wants nothing more than to push the boys out of our lives.
Yeah....righto.
She doesn't say it to my face tho. She tells Kevin. Hilarious! Or pathetic. Both.

Summer is starting to turn into autumn. More rain and chillier breezes. I really hope Kev gets a job soon and that my work picks up. It would be awesome to go back to Melbourne come Christmas to see the boys and bring my boys to meet everyone. And have summer. :) I love Melbourne. I really do.
Fingers crossed that everything will work out for the best.

Wednesday thoughts

Confused over this situation in whole. So many things have happened and I'm trying to sort my thoughts and feelings out. Sometimes we have to get lost to find each other and sometimes we find each other, only to get lost all over again.
It's hard to give second chances.. A chance to do it again knowing what you know now, what you’ve learned. A chance to do it completely different. A chance to right the wrongs, to correct the mistakes. A chance to try and start over from scratch. Can you do that???
A relationship with someone who is interested in you. I don’t mean someone who thinks you’re hot and beautiful.( of course that does matter...going both ways ) I mean someone who wants to know every insignificant detail about you. Someone who wants to read every word you write.(And I do write heaps don't I??) Someone who wants to find every scar upon your body and learn where each one came from.
Someone who wants to know your favorite wine and what you eat and don't, and which quotes resonates deep inside when you hear them. There is a difference between attraction and interest. Huge difference. It's also a difference between staying with someone because it's comfortable and actually staying because you can't see a life without that person.
Who is the love of your life??

You always have a choice.....

The human life is made up of choices. Yes or no, in or out, up or down. And then there are the choices that matter. To love or hate, to be a hero or to be a coward, to fight or to give in, to live or die, stay or move on, that’s the important choices and it’s not always in our hands.
I’ll say it again to make sure you hear me. The human life is made up of choices. 
Stay or move on, that’s an important choice and it’s not always in our hands. 
They say there’s one sure sign of a successful negotiation. It’s that when the parties leave the table, they feel like they have been screwed. The goal is a compromise, a situation where both you and your partner wins

The waiting can kill you. 
You make a decision and then the world has it’s turn. The consequences unfold out of your hands. There’s only one thing that seems clear in those quiet moments while you wait. 
You chose wrong.  
We just want to survive the storm. We pray “Please, just get me to the other side.” We never imagine what it will be like when we get there. What if when the storm passes nothings left? 
I always said I could handle anything. I was wrong. I have been wrong about heaps of things. But I was right about one thing. 
I was right about this......

From riches to rags....

Have you ever waited for something that bad, it seems to take forever?? That´s what we are doing at the moment. Waiting for Kevin´s Maltese passport to arrive. ( since both his parents are Maltese he could apply for a Maltese citizenship, and Malta is in the EU...Voila ) We applied for it in Melbourne months ago. And it´s a long process let me tell you. We had to locate Kevin´s estranged father and siblings to get information on dates and names. Then go to the Maltese consulate in Melbourne to get pictures and finger prints taken. Then from Melbourne it went to Malta to get sent back to Canberra ( Australia ) to get approved and then from Canberra get sent to Gothenburg. We spoke to Canberra last week and she said they have gotten it and also sent it to here. How long should it take to send a passport??? With our luck they have probably stuffed up the address so it´s gotten lost. It would not surprise me what-so-ever.

The reason we are so eager for the passport to arrive is that Kevin can then get his Swedish social security number which allows him to apply for work and study SFI ( Swedish For Immigrants )
And right now we are in a financial situation I haven´t been in for a long time. And it really stresses me out since my work chances has now gone down due to school holidays. Having to budget everything this much is something I haven't done in ages. Not even when I lived in Phuket. I was once someone that my friends would always look to for a positive thought and encouraging words. I always managed to see the good in every situation. I try my best to hold onto that, but it’s been slipping away quickly. Fear is constant. You’re always afraid of what’s next. I’m afraid of opening my bills.
The good thing is that we can´t buy cigarettes. So quit smoking has now become a reality. I guess that is on the positive side of things. I just feel bad that we can´t treat the boys to the stuff we want. Trips to zoos, museums, and other fun places with admission fees are extremely limited. Because I can’t snap my fingers and make things work perfectly depresses the fuck out of me.
I literally cannot wait for this passport to get here. Not that the passport itself will give Kevin a job but he can start to look for one. Who said moving countries would be easy......???
But honestly, it would be harder for me to move to Australia. Their system is one of the hardest in the world.
Just to apply for a partner visa is $7000 Australian. Good luck with that!
Not too sure on what the Australian government was thinking when they decided on that. I mean even if you have children or you are married it´s still a pain to get the correct visa.

Back in Sweden

Wow...it really has been the longest break I've had writing. But I've had my reasons, as you do.

Been back in Gothenburg for about 1.5 months now. It feels weird but good at the same time.

I'll do a quick re-cap of what's been going on.....

We left Melbourne with very mixed emotions. I've met some amazing people there. Friends and family that I hope I will have for the rest of my life. Memories and experiences that I will always treasure.
Well....some I'd like to put in my forget folder. But when you are involved with a man that has children from a previous relationship you kinda have to deal with the ex too. Some ex' are more loony than others, I came to notice.

Kevin has two boys from a previous relationship. And unfortunately we weren't allowed to bring them with us. Even for a short time. As a mom myself that has brought my children all over the world I know the benefits of traveling first hand. But on the other hand I can understand why they weren't allowed too. And we have to respect that. Sadly we are not talking to the boys as much as we would like to. The ex has stopped all contact. Since even before we left actually. It's emotionally difficult as we love the boys and wanted nothing more than spend as much time as possible with the boys before we left. It makes me angry but mostly sad how a parent can use the children as a tool to get back or deliberately hurt the other parent. I've not done that to my ex, even though I have the ammo to do so. I'm better than that and I put the children first.
We are trying to get in contact via sms, social media messages and phone calls. And we get ignored. Very frustrating. Luckily Kevin's mom has the children once in a while and then we can speak to them. The little munchkins.

It was wonderful to come back to Gothenburg as I've missed my children. So now it's back to the normal routine of having them every other week. It's also school holidays atm so we are spending a lot of time with them.
Deciding to quit your job, pack your bags, and say goodbye to a world that is so familiar may seem like the hard part about traveling.  At least, that’s what I thought.  Little did I know, returning home would be one of the most difficult experiences of my life.
 Arriving in Gothenburg felt surreal.  Everything seemed so different, yet exactly the same.  Everything looked so Swedish and people were dressed so….non-travelerish.  Although, I do have to admit, I was extremely excited to open up my closet and see more than four shirts and two pairs of pants to choose from.  The first sleep in my own bed felt amazing! It also felt very weird to wake up the next morning in a place that used to feel so comfortable. Wasn’t I supposed to be waking up in a tiny room in Altona Meadows? I definitely had a case of “where am I” syndrome.  
It felt wonderful to blow-dry my hair (sorry boys, I’m know it’s hard for most of you to relate). Putting on make-up is more of a horror story that ended with two very sore eyeballs. I have missed my make-up though.
Driving a car for the first time in nine months felt pretty foreign at first.
I thought that I would have forgotten what to do, but I guess it’s like riding a bicycle, and you never really forget. And driving on the 'right' side of the road too. I did drive a few times in both Phuket and Melbourne come to think of it. Like twice. I had an excellent private driver so I never had to drive. Hahaha!!

I have figured out over the many years I have traveled and lived abroad, that traveling, especially for an extended period of time, does something to you that you cannot prepare for. 
It changes your views on all aspects of life.  You see everything in a new light and like it did for me, may come as a huge shock. 
This new view on the world is not a bad thing, unless you take it that way. It’s a very great thing.  Traveling opens up your eyes, mind, heart, and soul. It changes your world forever.
I'm a bit jealous that Kevin is getting to experience that now. The power of broadening your horizon.


Leaving you with some photos

View from my hotel in Surfers Paradise

Yeah, the sun is strong in Queensland

Surfer's Paradise

   

Kevin and I on our first piss night

Me and Sammy ( that I stayed at a few weeks in Melbourne)

Nicky Boo and I

Me and the munchkins

Apollo bay in Victoria

Pii Naa and I when I came to Phuket in December 2015

Me at work

Staff trip to Koh Hae

Finally Jack finished my sleeve

Boys arrived in Phuket. Glorious day

Me and Dylan at staff day

Beach day with my boys

Kev rocks up to Phuket. Couldn't stay away. LOL

Connect 4 with the boys

Bike ride to Kata view point. Best place!!

Kevin's mom and sister in March

Kev's auntie Louise and I at a strip show.

Me and Nicky

Kev and I at Queenscliff

Me, Travis and Kevin hanging out

What a great family photo. hahahahaha

Running away???

It's been a while since I've blogged. A lot of things has been going on in my life lately. 

Good things mostly. I've been doing a lot of thinking and I have contemplated on my life a lot. And the way that others see me. It really doesn't matter as they don't see or know my intentions or reasons....   

I’m not sure why, but there is this perception out there that anyone who travel long-term and isn’t interested in settling down or getting a conventional job must be running away from something.

They are just trying to “escape life.”

The general opinion is that traveling is something everyone should do — that gap years after college and short vacations are acceptable. But for those of us who lead nomadic lifestyles, or just linger a bit too long somewhere, we are running away.

And to all those people who say that, I say to you — you’re right.

Completely right.

I am running away.

But I am not trying to avoid life; I am just trying to avoid your life.

I’m running away from your idea of the “real” world.

Running away from office life, commuting, and weekend errands, and running towards everything the world has to offer. I’m running away from monotony, 9-to-5, rampant consumerism, and the conventional path.

While there may be exceptions (as there are with everything), most people who become vagabonds, nomads, and wanderers do so because they want to experience the world.

We travel to experience life and live on our own terms. 

Life is short, and we only get to live it once. I want to look back and say I did crazy things, not say I spent my life in an office, reading travel blogs, and wishing I was exploring the world.

The real secret to life is that you get what you want when you do what you want.

Life is what you make it out to be.

Life is yours to create.

We are all chained down by the burdens we place upon ourselves, whether they are bills, errands.

 If you really want something, you have to go after it.

People who travel the world aren’t running away from life. Just the opposite. Those that break the mold, explore the world, and live on their own terms are running towards living. We are running towards our idea of life. I get to be the captain of my ship. 

I look around at the norm and say, “I want something different.”