Tomorrow doesn't exist

Insomnia sucks. As if I didn't have enough shit on my mind yesterday I got the "ALS ice bucket" over me too. Someone told me not too long ago that assumptions is the mother of all fuck ups. I don't think the person in question knows the meaning of it. Otherwise it wouldn't be as much assuming...it would be more sticking to facts and understanding the importance of communication. Don't I feel like a jack-ass. Especially since I got two boys keen on the future. I didn't see that coming. I let my guard down for just a minute, I forgot to be smart, I forgot my past for just a second. Insomnia yet again this night. Makes my thoughts wander to places I haven't visited for a while. Places I don't want to be associated with. Just be smart enough to know when “enough is enough.” You can’t complain about somebody crossing the line if you fail to set the boundaries. You can’t complain about somebody wasting your time when you didn’t require them to earn it. Sometimes you just have to let go. Not everything is meant to be a “forever” kind of thing. You have to be honest with yourself even if it hurts. You can’t give people too many chances to make the same “mistakes.” Learn from it. Grow out of it. Be done with it.

Feel my tears as they dry

When I give, it does not come with strings. I’m not keeping track of what you owe me. When I give, I choose to do so without ulterior motives. I give because I’m genuine. I give because I know what it’s like to be without. To long for and be ignored. To speak and not be heard. To care for and have nothing returned. When I give it’s because I get it. It’s because I know the value in what I have in my heart and I refuse to let the world stop me. But when things start being taken for granted. When you no longer appreciate my sincerity. I won’t switch, I won’t get angry, and I won’t be spiteful. I’ll just get smart and I’ll change your role in my life. Because when I give and love, I’m all in. But when I’m done, there’s no looking back.

I know I haven't been blogging for a while. I had more important things to do and think about while I was in Phuket. So I made a video of my time there instead of writing about it. I had a great time, thats all I really can say. It did me heaps of good in ways I never thought I needed. Or honestly in ways I never thought I would ever admit to myself or others. Letting your gard down for someone takes curage and trust. Some words are immortal. Long-buried or even burned, they’re destined to be reborn, like a phoenix from the ashes. And when they do, it can literally take your breath away. 

                                    

Travis, Falida, Matilda, Pii Naa and all my other amazing friends in Phuket that made this trip fantastic. Especially Travis. You are truly a divine person. ( seeeee what you made me say, divine and shit)