In the end

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10 years

After a loong night with a lot of tossing and turning I got up at about 06.45.

My dad died of cancer around 07.20, 10 years ago in my livingroom after 4,5 months of illness. He waited til we were alone ( the night nurse just left ) and then he took his last few breaths and just drifted away. It was the most surreal thing I have ever experianced.

So this morning I went up with the kids, had a hot cup of O´boy and just tried to find some peace. I had great support over the phone. Thank you!!

Not that it really matters this particular day. I miss my father every day.
But it´s been 10 years and I can´t grasp that. It feels like 2 years ago. Time goes by so fast.

I want to say thank you to all you amazing people that has reached out to me one way or the other. And especially to my old friends that knew my dad and said some sweet things about him on my Facebook. Got me a bit emotional....

Have had a lot of feelings today. A lot of major decisions has to be made soon. Some got decided today and I feel good about it. With a lot of support, advice and opinions flying around I think I have done the right thing.
No point of waiting, you don´t know what´s gonna happen tomorrow.

When Joacim came home from work we went to the flower shop and the boys could pick flowers for Grandpa. The chose my dads favorite flower, lilys, like I got tattooed on my arm.

My mom and brother had picked out other flowers which was beautiful. The roses were stunning. Loved them....

Lit up 2 candles for my dad and Dizney ( my dog ) and my moms friend Suzanne.

We decided to eat take out today. I didn´t really feel like cooking and since my dad was a huge Thailand fan we ate Phad Thai. ( my dad ate those nasty deep fried bugs and shit, but that will happen when hell freezes over ) I was very close on speaking thai to the chefs today. It was really funny that I understood a lot what they were saying when they made the food and chatted. But luckely I stoped myself. I know...impulsive and stupid didn´t win this time!! :)


Im pretty beat after today and I´m turning in after Im done here. This is going to be a looong weekend, for so many different reasons. But hey....all good things for those who wait. ( but not waiting too long )

Hopefully I get to spend time with my friends and have some fun. Maybe a sleepover so I can drink some wine. That would be nice..... Do you have the Sauna ready hun??

 

My awesome dad went with me to one of my parties and got inked by a friend of mine. And he loved the party eventhough it was totally foreign to him.

Cravings

I haven't had candy as much as I thought I would since I got back. ( Im not really a candy kinda girl anyway )

However when It's that time of the month I can't help myself. It's like I can't stop. I wanna stuff my face and just pig out on different kinds of unhealthy, yukie, fatty and gross stuff. Chocolate is the favorite. And I dont care this week if I gain weight. Well, I do kinda care and Ima cry about it next week but right now It's on...


It's not helping that Im feeling pathetic, super emotional, in pain and cornered. So it is comfort food too. Not good at all..
Hey, were is my birthdaygift I asked for last year?
My mommy makeover at the art clinic. Or any clinic will do....
Im sure they are waiting for me as we speak with their scalpels and vaccum thingies and implants for My new brazilian ass and anti cellulite thigh suction and whatnot!

Why dont I ever have cravings for tomatos or peppers? Or anything else that's not high on sugar or fat.
Well, I did have a sallad craving with dijon dressing when I was pregnant. That gained me +35 kg. So to hell with sallad :)

And My ice. Oh god My ice. But It's so damn cold here so Im shivering just to think about eating ice. I'll just have to eat it when Im taking a hot bath!

Tonight Im stuffing My face with a cheese and veggie sandwich and hot rooibos tea. Yummo.....

Sat on the sofa and snuggled with Luqas again. Snuggles are the best.


Going to bed early tonight. I tend to wake up at night and cant go back to sleep. Then It's nice to have someone to chat to. Lucky me there is some time difference. That actually works for me then :) but I do hope I wont wake up.

Night night my darlings.....

Another tuesday.

As Im going through the boxes we packed before we went to Thailand, I get surprized and excited like a child. Especially now when I need to think about what to keep and what to leave.
Things I haven't seen for a long time, like photo albums, are the best.
Went through some albums and smiled. Crazy pictures and family pictures. Laughed at how we looked back in the day. Or how I looked. There have been some changes over the years. In both hairstyle and color. Clothing statement and weight.
So I was having a good time tonight.
Some photos are x-rated and has to go or get put away for curious eyes :)

Had my wound fixed today. It got really nasty over night and today she put à gel on it. And tons of gauzes. So hopefully this Will last until thursday.

Razmus went to his first boyscout meeting today. He fell and hurt himself. But what else is new. That boy is always in accidents. ( have no idea where or who he gets THAT from ) :)

I sat with Luqas and Watched the cooking show "halv åtta hos mig" and that was so nice. Shared a blanket and just had a snuggle. Wonderful....

Saw my friend Anna. She is a good friend and Im happy to have her in My life. Especially now when It's a bit of an uphill walk. ( but uphill walks makes your legs stronger )

Monday....

As always Mondays are a pain in the ass. Getting Razmus out of bed this morning was hard. Luqas is always keen on going to school. I believe Ima have problems with Raziraz when he gets older. Well this mom has been there and done that. :)

Im Feeling extremly tired and drained at the moment. I cant really focus on stuff for a long time. And that's annoying me. Im normally always Quick and focused.

And Im not liking Facebook so much either. Cant believe what bullshit and hurtfull things people can post. And all your "friends" doesn't even know what the hell is going on and still they comment and like away. Insane.....

But if it makes you feel better to get a pat on the back and fake "hugs and kisses" continue to post your dirty Laundry. Just so sad....

My leg is looking a bit better. It still pounds if Im standing up too much and My knee is Also slowly getting better. I walk better but I still cant bend it fully.

Luqas had his first scout meeting today. He looked happy when he came home this evening. I love seeing My kids happy. Warms my heart...

It's freezing in Sweden. I am so cold that i have My winter coat on while others walk around in their t-shirt or shorts. They look at me like Im out of my mind... Hahaha!!

Anyway, a new week with new possibilities. It's gonna be fine!

Nobody´s perfect...

Another AMAZING song by the awesome ms Jessie J. That girl can sing.
Don´t really know who the dude is ut he is pretty damn good too.

Love this song and the message she wants to send out......

Dinner

Had one of My best friends over for dinner tonight.
Jocke and the kids got out of the house.
I made chicken oregano with balsamico sauce and Brown rice. Pannacotta for dessert.

My brother came over and we had à good time. Talked about back in the day and looked at the funniest videos on youtube. If any of you, regardlesd of Language wanna have a good laugh, search on "skogsturken". It fucking hilarious!

Looked at photos of Thailand. Missing you guys even more...

Getting hugely disappointed by the person I least expected.

But moving on. Getting over it :)

Played with the iPad and I almost pissed myself laughing.
I know I have a very childish sense of humor. But I cant help it.....

Anyway we had a nice time. Gave each other good advice and laughed a lot.