On the move

So not only am I moving to a new place, I'm also working and having the boys full time since their dad is in bkk atm. But as nackered as I am I do solve most of it. I get hysterical and crack the shits on the way but I get it done. 

Like yesterday...I came to my new flat with the intention of putting the beds up and shelves and whatnot. And I ain't got no electricity. wtf happened to my electricity? I need it!!!

Holy shit, smoke came out of my ears. Lately my patience have been running low. Might be the stress of everything. I dunno. 

Tony on the other hand have heaps of patience. He calms me down fairly fast. He strokes my back and speaks calmly that I shouldn't worry. He has done that for months. And his wife too. Been My rock, My voice of reason. I feel like a kid being comforted by a parent. Haha. 

Trauma fucks everybody up, but maybe that’s the point: All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps you moving forward, it’s what pushes you. Maybe you have to get a little bit fucked up, before you can step up??!!! But as tough as wanting something can be… the people who suffer the most, are those who don’t know what they want.

Anyway...We ended up spending two nights at Tony and Malin's. I am very grateful for their help in every way. I seriously couldn't of done it without them. And of course my brother has helped me too in every way he could. Thank you!! 

Isn't it weird tho how you cope with the things that are thrown at you. I feel absolutely fucked but I keep going. I have to. And I do have some amazing friends Thats been by my side and still stand by my side. 

 

 

Work hard play hard...or just work hard. 

Belated birthday gifts or maybe early ones from My brother. Don't matter. Thank you Snopper. You remember! :) 

Wishing my dear friend Rachel a happy birthday. I hope you have a great time tonight and you get pampered. 

I hope to see you soon. 

I cannot believe that you and I have done what we've done together. You have slept in Chalong and I find that hilarious now. And you have visited the garden. Which is even more hilarious. 

Love you heaps babe!!!

Blah blah...

So Dylan has gone to Bulgaria and left me with heaps of boxes. ( thanx Dylan for helping me out the first two days ) 

I bought a brand new bed yesterday. And Tony helped me to get it to the unit. My brother came and helped us empty Anna's storage. So basically all that's left is my old unit and unpacking boxes. Which I hope will get sorted within the next few days. Takes forever....

Ever thought about that You can’t move on until you let go of the past. Letting go is the easy part. it’s the moving on that’s painful. So sometimes, we fight it, try and keep things the same. Things can’t stay the same, though. At some point, you just have to let go. 

Move on. Because no matter how painful it is staying where you are might be the death of you..

 I am looking for a manic period where I feel I can rule the universe! But instead I feel sad. I have some nice events to look forward to. But when I don’t think about them, the sadness sets in again. Last night I couldn’t sleep. Thinking of a message I sent earlier that day after receiving a couple of msgs from My ex.

And I got angry with myself for not being able to fall asleep… And then I also felt sad again, so I lay in bed feeling horrible and I just cried. 

I will need to learn how to live with it. But it’s hard when the sadness is taking up such a big part of my thoughts…

Sometimes you just need to get out of town, get a new perspective. But you can’t always see that you need a new perspective because well, you need a new perspective to be able to see that. It’s complicated.
Open your eyes. What do you see? 

More possibilities? 

Does your new view give you more hope? That’s the goal. Although, it doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes a shift in perspective just makes you see what you’ve lost.