In the wake of....

I'm laying on the dry lawn in the backyard soaking rays that my body craves so badly. Nothing gives you that "wake the fuck up you miserable white body you" than a shocker of Rays in the morning. 

A splash of Phuket coconut oil boosts it. Best thing about laying in the backyard is that I can be butt naked. No tanlines. I do however wear a g-string as the yard is crawling with creepy things. And I really don't want them up my you know where.

When I'm by myself as much as I am thoughts enter my mind. And they kinda lingers there and grows.
As if  I need to see things from another perspective or merly re-think choices I've made or plan to. Search deep within myself and find answers. Maybe...

Like do you know who you are? 

Do you want to live this way? All it takes is one person, one fight, one moment to change your life forever. 

It can change your perspective, color your thinking. One moment that forces you to re-evaluate everything you think you know and feel. Do you know who you are? Do you know what’s happened to you? Do you want to live this way?

Im a pretty easygoing person. I give alot of myself. I do have great self knowledge. I've just had a lot of shit happen to me the past year or so.

When you give yourself to someone who doesn’t respect you, you surrender pieces of your soul that you’ll never get back. There comes a point when you have to let go and stop trying with some people. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll find a way to put you there. They will fight for you. Slay the dragon for you, cross oceans for you. And sometimes you need to let go and accept the fact that they don’t care for you the way you care for them. Let them leave your life. We think it’s too hard to let go, until we actually do. Then we ask ourselves, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?"

Downtown

Today I finally made it downtown. It was a joyous event. I found clothing stores and shoe stores that I, to my surprise, found acceptable. I even found a T-shirt with the autobot symbol. Instantly thought of my brother then. 

I ran into a Swedish family. Had a chat with them. Continued my strol down the streets of downtown Perth. It's really a pain in the bum that it's so far away from where I live. 

Looks like I'll be going to Melbourne shortly and I've heard that it's the best city in Australia. I guess I'll have to sell my bum to get some cash so I can shop a little. I literally left with just a few items to wear. I thought I'd get stuff in Phuket but that didn't happen. So here I am. Ripped clothes, cold and one set of good shoes. They have this thing called skimpy bars here. The girls are waitresses but during the course of the night they take their clothes of for money. 

It's supposed to be great pay but oh my damn. Boobs-shoes, boobs-shoes......

I've been feeling lonely for awhile. And misunderstood. Or maybe I'm not understanding myself. I miss my boys and I have a lot of things going through my mind. Days of future past if you will.

Relationships can’t be perfect, so there will be moments where you feel lonely, but how do you know whether this is a passing phase, or whether the relationship is no longer serving you? 

Perth..

Soooo.....Perth is not what I thought it would be. I dunno what I was expecting but not this. I've met some really great peope. They have really made me feel welcome. The problem is that I'm so far from everything and everyone. It put a lot of strain on me. I'm used to having things fairly close. I at least expected a pub in the area. You know...like a proper crocodile Dundee how ya goin mate kinda bar. What I've noticed about Australia is that they are very much stuck in the eighties. Fashion and music. Oh laws oh lawd oh lawd!!! And it is quite expensive too. I'm not allowed to work so I can't really contribute with anything more than doing the cooking and tidying up the house. It's very frustrating. 

Living in both phuket and gothenburg has spoiled me. I had pretty much everything outside my door. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for kicking back at the house. My boyfriend will keep me company. But I only have 80 more minutes with him. After that I'll be facing the isolation by myself. 

Australians are a fantastic people. I enjoy talking to them. Even tho it's only at my local grocery store. It's always a nice greeting and a bit of chitchat. Puts a smile on my face. Something the rest of the world might want to embrace. 

This weekend there was a housewarming party. Travis and Sarah had mates over. I cooked food and baked bread. I have to say that it is harder to cook here as the ingredients are different. So I'm not always able to get the food tasting as I want to. But I'm learning what's what here. 

Anyway...I met some awesome people and I hope we get to hang out more. If I don't die of boredom first. Lol. 

My friend Nicole made her way from freo to here. I really appreciate all the people that came and made an effort with the dressing up. They made me feel so welcome. Thank you so much. Really....

The weather is getting better. Today we went to the beach. Hilary's something. Fantastic sand but holy shit the water was cold. I dipped my feet. That's about it. But I soaked some sun. My knee needed sun if anything. The warm Rays felt so good. 

If you’re with someone and you wish you were elsewhere or with someone else, then leave. One of the cruelest things you can do to a person is make them feel like safe when to you, they’re only temporary. We all deserve love and undistracted attention. We all deserve to feel wanted. If you can’t give them your whole heart, then don’t you dare hold it hostage. And to save the relationship I've been told that as long as it's germ free, anything goes apparently in this country. Hmmmm......ok. Doesn't work that way for me but that is something I just might have to remedy innit.